yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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