I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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