he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
