3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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