Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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