I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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