My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize