Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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