And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
