dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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