Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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