Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
