I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
