she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
