Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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