dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
