Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
