God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
