What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im holly from the hills drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
