It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
