So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
