then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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