if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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