I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
