he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have aggressive nipples.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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