Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
