True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
