remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
