I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Vodka?
Forever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
