Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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