Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
