i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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