What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I am morally bankrupt
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
