I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
