my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
