put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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