only if we run a train.
done.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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