You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
