fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
