i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I deserve this hangover.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
