I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
