tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
