dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she told me i tasted like america
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize