Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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