I feel great
I just peed on a car
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
