I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
