Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
