It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
