The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
