he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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