paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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