So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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