Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
