I just threw up on my dentist
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your cock deserves a montage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
