omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
