I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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