i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
