TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
