discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
