how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
