The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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