well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
