Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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