I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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