I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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