Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
