yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
