How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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